Whither The Fool?

In my never-ending strife to remain relevant, I have joined Twitter. Now, as often as possible, I will try to update everyone on the fascinating happenings of my life.

Because I owe it to you, of course.

Check the Sidebar for “Twitter Updates”.

At the University of Massachusetts, they must include in the required Students Code of Conduct a specific prohibition against rioting:

Students who participate in riotous behavior or failed to disperse when ordered will be sanctioned under the Code of Student Conduct. These sanctions ranged from University probation up to and including immediate expulsion from the University.

Over the past four years, over 145 students have been sanctioned for their participation in riotous behavior on this campus, up to and including suspension and expulsion from the University.

Students should familiarize themselves with the Code of Student Conduct which is printed in the Academic Daily Planner. Behavior that endangers the safety of persons (self or others) or property or inciting others to engage in such behavior will not be tolerated. Participants will be subject to arrest and will be held accountable under the Code of Student Conduct.

In addition to University sanctions, students who are arrested will also be processed through the criminal Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

– Student Affairs and Campus Life Bulletin

Has the angst regarding the Iraq War in this most liberal state in the union come to this pass?

Well, no. Actually, the problem they’ve been having in Amherst is fan rioting after a sports-team loss. Or a win, for that matter.

And no, it’s not just UMass sports that gets ‘em riled up in the land of Emily Dickinson. They’re prone to riot after New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox games as well (no word on the rise of soccer hooliganism surrounding the fortunes of the New England Revolution thus far, however).

So, how does the President of UMass address the problem? Why, with a letter to the students of course:

Dear Students,

Both the fall semester and the final weeks of the Major League Baseball (MLB) season are in full swing, and Red Sox fans are counting the days to the start of the playoffs. As we approach the playoffs, I want to wish you and your favorite team the best of luck. It will be an exciting time for fans of the Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, Los Angeles Angels, Yankees, NY Mets, Brewers, Cubs, San Diego and Arizona…

When you celebrate your team victories, do so wisely and responsibly. And accept the losses with equal levelness.

The past few years, we have seen destructive student action associated with athletic events. While I personally do not understand this concept of violence and rioting as an expression of celebration, nonetheless it is a phenomenon we are currently witnessing nationally on college campuses and in major cities. Here, on our campus, these riots are usually related to the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots…

Below this letter, is a link to important detailed information that will assist you during the Major League Baseball playoffs. Please take the time to read the contents fully and understand it. Consult with your resident director or resident assistant with questions and for the most updated information. The resident hall lobbies will have posters communicating policies and procedures throughout the playoffs.

Sincerely,

Michael Gargano, Ed. D

Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Campus Life

The email includes a link to the document at the top of this article.

Gosh, those Massachusetts Firebrands and their revolutionary ways. King George III is laughing somewhere.

(h/t to The Unofficial Scorer).

RELATED: Student gets creative with ‘Riot UMass’ video game, Google Videos of UMass Riots

Well, for one thing, he’s so cute that he makes her, a Lesbian, consider the straight life:

Okay, I admit it. Part of it is that he just looks cuddly. Possibly cuddly enough to turn me straight.

But wait, there’s more!

There are certainly many things about Ahmadinejad that I abhor — locking up dissidents, executing of gay folks, denying the fact of the Holocaust, potentially adding another dangerous nuclear power to the world and, in general, stifling democracy. Even still, I can’t help but be turned on by his frank rhetoric calling out the horrors of the Bush Administration and, for that matter, generations of US foreign policy preceding.

And after the first torrid days and nights of their romance were over, he’d probably be out playing golf every afternoon, or attending public stonings without her or something.

But our gal…er, gyl, er, goyl(????)…is realistic after the dreaminess recedes:

Monday, when Ahmadinejad speaks at Columbia University in New York, I’ll be listening. Maybe with a bottle of wine and some soft music playing in the background. If I can get past the fact that, as a Jewish lesbian, he’d probably have me killed, I’ll try to listen for some truth.

BUT DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION THEIR PATRIOTISM!

(Sanity, yes. Patriotism, no).

From an Associated Press story by Dionne Walker, August 2007:

For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom’s strict rule.

“Mom always told me, ‘Don’t you ever bring a white man home,’” recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.

But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating “anyone who asks me out,” regardless of race.

“I don’t sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I’m going to marry,” Jones said. Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America’s history of slavery and segregation.

They’re taking cues from their favorite stars _ from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams _ as well as support blogs, how-to books and interracially themed novels telling them it’s OK to “date out.”

It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry.

“I’m not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems,” Jones said. “I’m just saying that they offer a different solution.”

First, let me say that I thought White Men were the source of all problems, not just for black women but for all people everywhere (even some other white men). Ms. Jones has dropped a bomb without apparently realizing it (I wonder: could it be that she’s grown up being taught all that p.c. crapola from the Jackson-Sharpton-Farrakhan axis without actually having experienced any of it firsthand?)

Second, I don’t think that White Men offer an “alternative solution,” just the same solution in a superficially different package.

I grew up a son of the “New South.” I began school several years after Brown v. Board of Education, forced integration and during the heyday of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s brilliantly successful Civil Rights initiative - and, fortunately, several years before it was co-opted by the feckless Left as a Trojan horse to flip the population of Americans who happen to have black skins into the Leftist camp - even though nearly all that the Left stands for is anathema to traditional African-American mores.

I was taught repeatedly by example and in word, that my “brothers and sisters of color” were the same as me - and I bought it. Imagine my surprise when, at the outset of puberty, I became enthralled with a light-skinned black girl in my 8th Grade American History class (ironically, her name was Coretta), but was told by her after passing her a note asking for her phone number, that “I don’t wanna talk on the ‘phone wi’ no ‘honky!’” She told me this while wrinkling her nose in that adorable way 14-year-old girls have.

Of course, like all 14-year-old boys rebuffed by 14-year-old girls, I came away confused. First off, what was a “honky,” anyway? I asked my black friend, Sidney.

“Oh, a ‘honky’s’ th’ same as a ‘ofay’” he told me matter of factly. I stared at him in dumb incomprehension.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, a whitey, like you,” he explained. The light went on.

“You mean, Coretta doesn’t like me because I’m white!” I exclaimed.

It made no sense. Weren’t we all brothers and sisters (and therefore potentially boyfriends and girlfriends) under the skin, like on those 16mm films they used to show us in Health? So all those film-showings were lies? Man, was my world rocked!

“Well, yeah,” he answered. He told me her momma would probably whip her within an inch of her life if she ever thought she might like a “honky,” and maybe have “yaller” babies one day, etc.

So my first effort at bridging the racial divide came to nothing.

I should state for the record that it wasn’t that I had this “thing” for black girls. It’s just that I had this “thing” for girls, period, and I had successfully incorporated “New South” teachings that proclaimed that all girls were fair game (well, at least that was the main thing I got out of it). But I didn’t see this brick wall I was heading for, put up by all these African-American “mommas” I had never met.

A couple of years later, I had another “brown-sugar crush” (hey, can I help it if Stories’ “Brother Louie” was a big hit that year?) This time, it was Pauline, a petite cheerleader with the coolest Afro in our class. Now, even if she’d been white, Pauline would have been out of my league - c’mon, she was a cheerleader and I was a nerd - but she always smiled when our eyes met (well, how was I to know that’s what cheerleaders do?) and we joked around in class a lot.

So I asked her out one day. Pauline looked at me like I’d suggested a lascivious act - which in retrospect I suppose I had. But she didn’t put me down with that “honky” line like Coretta in the 8th Grade. Instead, she plausibly explained that she had to wash her hair that night and it would take a couple of days to get it right, maybe some other time.

Cool girl, but looking back I know what she really thought: “I can’t date no honky, momma’d kill me.” That might be unfair, but I don’t think so.

Now, I have been married three times - a record of which I am not proud. Thirty-plus years on from all that mess back in high school, I have never had a meaningful relationship with a woman of color - the closest I came was my half-black-half-white departmental secretary a few years ago, and the most intimate we got was when our fingers touched one day when she handed me my mail.

I’ve had a lot of black female friends, though, and as time goes on I have pretty much stopped thinking of their racial characteristics - at least, no more significantly as I would differentiate a blond from a brunette. To me, they’re just women, the half of humanity that makes it all worthwhile being a member of the other half.

I can tell you that I’ve met quite a few of them who were beautiful, smart, talented and quite alluring - but again, alluring in the same way that all such women are regardless of race, color, creed or national origin.

If I were ever to find myself widowed and desperately in want of female companionship, RCCNO would not be an impediment by any means. And it sounds like many of them have finally figured out that their mommas might not have been right about everything they were taught, after all.

(And by the way, if at that time Ms. Merrin Dungey is available, well, her days of solitude are over!)

*sigh!*

This morning on one of the Houston Chronicle Sports blogs, a commentor made the following statement:

Pitching and POWER wins today in baseball…

His statement intrigued me, so I did a little digging. If he’s correct, the very best teams in baseball should be those that have a mix of good pitching (say Team ERA) and great power (say OPS).

Based on the MLB.Com statistics as of this morning, here are the TOP TEN teams in terms of OPS:

1. NYY(4)
2. PHI(-)
3. BOS(3)
4. DET(-)
5. MIL(-)
6. COL(-)
7. FLA(-)
8. ATL(-)
9. CIN(-)
10. NYM(6)

And the TOP TEN teams in ERA:

1. SD(6 - Tie w NYM)
2. BOS(3)
3. OAK(-)
4. NYM(6 - Tie w SD)
5. CHC(8)
6. LAD(-)
7. ARI(5)
8. SF(-)
9. MIN(-)
10. ATL(-)

NOTE: In the above, the parenthetic number is the order in which the team is situated right now in terms of wins and losses for both leagues.

Notice that only BOS and NYM are in the Top Ten in each category. (Does this mean we’ll see a Mets vs. Red Sox World Series?)

Finally, if we add together the team rank numbers for each of Team ERA and Team OPS for all 30 MLB teams, we come up with the following rankings (which assumes that Team ERA and Team OPS are both 50% of the equation - which is debatable, but just so you know).

1. BOS(3)
2. NYM(6)
3. NYY(4)
4. ATL(-)
5. OAK(-)
6. CHC(8)
7. MIL(-)
8. CIN(-)
9. DET(-)
10. LAA(1- Tie w/CLE)

So I’m not sure what to think of this. Within the Combined Top Ten of “Pitching and POWER” teams, five of the eight playoff teams (if the playoffs began today) are represented, but one of the two top team in terms of W-L record, CLE (90-62), doesn’t show up in the Combined Top Ten and the other, LAA (90-62) shows up at NUMBER 10. Likely playoff teams ARI (86-67) and SD (84-67) don’t show up in the Combined Top Ten at all.

Five teams - ATL (79-73), OAK (74-80), MIL (78-73), CIN (69-83) and DET (83-70) among this Top Ten are likely to miss the playoffs (or if MIL makes it, CHC won’t). CIN and OAK have losing records!

So my conclusion is that your statement is far too simplistic. While it looks as though the combination of “Pitching and POWER” is a GOOD thing to have, it doesn’t guarantee the postseason, at least not for the teams this season.

It seems to me that this is just one of those “truisms” that get stuck in peoples’ skulls, based on nothing but what they’ve heard other people say. In truth, there are other variables involved that, for example, tell you why ATL, with a Team OPS of 0.778 and a Team ERA of 4.14, are only a few games above 0.500, while CLE has OPS 0.771 and ERA 4.29 in the considerably tougher AL, and sits atop their division, ahead of last year’s AL Pennant winner DET.’

(Also of interest: The rock-bottom team in this “Team ERA Plus Team OPS” listing is the Chicago White Sox, a team that won the 2005 World Series in four straight over my beloved Astros).

A Bama Blog ran an interesting story that I missed:

Congressman Spencer Bachus (R.-Vestavia Hills Country Club) wants the federal nanny to be queen of every double-wide trailer in America.

“All new manufactured homes would have to come with a weather alert radio under legislation introduced this week by Rep. Spencer Bachus and others.

“I was almost stunned that such a wonderful idea as this, that we hadn’t done it before,” Bachus said Thursday.

Named for a 2-year-old boy killed in tornado in Indiana in 2005, C.J.’s Home Protection Act would change the federal safety standards for manufactured homes and make the industry pay for the receivers and their installation before the homes are delivered.

I think Rep. Bachus’ work is only partly done.

I’d like to see him introduce legislation to the effect that henceforth, every attempt to deepen the penetration of the “Nanny State” into the lives of individual citizens and families ought to be required to be named after a dead kid.

From 1921 to 1964 - forty-four seasons - the New York Yankees advanced to the World Series every year except 1924, 1925, 1929, 1930, 1931, 1933, 1934, 1935, 1940, 1944, 1945, 1946, 1948, 1954, and 1959.

Fifteen seasons out, twenty-nine seasons in. The Yankees’ Series record over that period was 20 wins and 9 losses.

From 1965 through 2006, forty-one seasons (not counting strike-shortened 1994), the Yankees have been to the World Series ten times. Their record in that period was 6 Series wins against 4 losses.

All-time, the Yankees are 26-10 in the World Series, probably the most dominant position of a major professional sports team. By comparison, Manchester United is 11-7 in FA Cup play since 1909. The Montreal Canadiens are likely the closest competitor, winning 24 Stanley Cup championships against 9 losses since 1916.

Small wonder that Yankees fans don’t count the season as a success unless the Yanks win the Big Show.

Herewith, a compendium of insightful analysis concerning the 2007 New Orleans Saints:

The Saints have the talent on offense to win the Super Bowl. The question this year, as it seems to be in most years, is will the defense be able to match that level of play? The Saints spent the offseason quietly adding quality defensive players to help build a substantial defense.

If New Orleans can figure out a way to create more turnovers for the defense and avoid the injury bug, there is no team in the NFC capable of stopping the Saints from getting to the Super Bowl.

http://www.sportprojections.com/new_orleans_saints.php

Overall the Saints should be considered legitimate Super Bowl contenders in 2007. We’re predicting a (13-3) record, edging out the Panthers for first place in the NFC South.

FootballLOCKS.com

[ED. NOTE: "FootballLOCKS.com" is the outfit that predicts a 2-14 record for my beloved Houston Texans. I am looking forward to taunting them multiple times as the season progresses.]

The Saints have one of the more potentially explosive offenses in the league, which makes life easy on their defense. With the sour taste of playoff defeat in their mouths, expect the Saints to come marching in hard and fast this season.

A Super Bowl is not far out of reach, but the divisional crown is virtually a certainty.

http://www.reggiebushonline.com

It’s a scary thought for other NFC teams, but the Saints offense just might be better than it was in 2006 when Brees, running back Reggie Bush, and wide receiver Marques Colston were all learning on the fly. With a little improvement on the defensive side of the ball, this team could very well represent the NFC in Super Bowl XLII.

Record:12-4 and first in the NFC South

http://football.about.com

[NFL Power Ranking Number] 4. New Orleans: I’m counting on Reggie Bush being more versatile and just plain better. It’s ridiculous that he rushed for a fullback-like 3.6 yards per carry last year. He’ll be at least a yard better because he knows the best carries are sometime the zero-yard gains, which are better than the seven-yard losses. He’s already learned that — in December, Bush averaged 5.1 yards per rush. The Saints scored 30 or more points six times in November and December last year. I expect 10 of those days this year.

Peter King, SI.COM

 In their second year in [Coach Sean] Payton’s system, Drew Brees and his receivers, including new addition Robert Meachem, should be even more difficult to stop simply because defenses will always have so many things to pay attention to. Even in a very tough NFC South, sports picks junkies should keep an eye on the Saints, as they are better now than they were when they lost in the playoffs in January.

 Maddux Sports

I could go on, but my point is the Saints have dazzled the cognoscenti among the NFL handicappers, pundits and fans. Me, I think they’re still…just the Saints.

Here is an interesting fact:

In their last two games, against the two teams that met in the last Super Bowl, the Saints were outscored 80-24. And the beat-down by the Colts last night in the face of a N.O. team that was supposed to be “better” on both sides of the ball does not bode well.

Nothing more Foolish than the typical NFL pundit who sticks with the conventional wisdom.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs today announced that the iPhone maker would reimburse early adopters of the $599 8GB model after Apple cut the price by $200 with no prior warning:

Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs apologized and offered $100 credits Thursday to customers who shelled out $599 for the most advanced model of the iPhone this summer, only to have the company unexpectedly slash the price $200 in a push to boost holiday sales.

In a letter on the company’s Web site, Jobs acknowledged that Apple disappointed some of its customers by cutting the price of the iPhone’s 8-gigabyte model and said he has received hundreds of e-mails complaining about the price cut.

Jobs added that “the technology road is bumpy,” and there will always be people who pay top dollar for the latest electronics but get angry later when the price drops.

“This is life in the technology lane,” Jobs said.

It assuredly is. But, it appears, not all those who rode the technology lane during peak hours are that upset about it:

“If they told me at the outset the iPhone would be $200 cheaper the next day, I would have thought about it for a second — and still bought it,” said Andrew Brin, a 47-year-old addiction therapist in Los Angeles. “It was $600 and that was the price I was willing to pay for it.”

“Addiction therapist?”

Physician, heal thyself.

I was deeply unhappy with the LG CU500 I was using at the time the Apple iPhone was announced. Far too many “flip-phone” devices seem to be targeted at the Perpetual Adolescent bracket, continually badgering you to buy things, add “gotta have it” features like (I kid you not) song identification services, etc., and I found out too late that the CU500 didn’t even support IMAP or POP email.

The biggest thing it had going for it was the 3G Network capability and (relatively) easy Bluetooth tethering to my laptop computer.

I decided that I needed something a bit more “adult” to meet my wireless communications needs, so when the iPhone was announced, I got just as woozy about it as a lot of folks. First off, I had recently purchased - and then had stolen - the newest and biggest “Generation 5.5″ iPod, the big 80GB model, and I admit that I finally got the reason why the iPod is still, five-plus years after virtually creating the MP3 player market, the sine qua non in that market. After my iPod was snatched, I experienced intense pangs of withdrawal (though I have not replaced it even to this day). I thought that, even at the breathtaking $500 price point, having an iPod as part of my phone would be a joyous thing. I liked almost everything else the Apple hype-machine had to say about the device, in fact.

But the one thing that stopped me was the fact that, for reasons unknown, Apple did not choose to support 3G. Having experienced the dubious benefits of Cingular’s “Edge Network” (so named, I think, because the teeth-grindingly slow throughput definitely puts you on “edge”), and having to depend so much on my phone as an internet gateway for my mobile office, I finally and reluctantly decided to pass.

Some months later, the verdict of the tech punditry is in. An article by Debra Littlejohn Shinder published last week on one of Tech Republic’s blogs summarizes it nicely:

#1: It costs too much
#2: It doesn’t fully support [Microsoft] Exchange
#3: User-unfriendly battery
#4: Where’s the keyboard?
#5: No third-party applications
#6: Stuck with AT&T
#7: The bleedingly slow EDGE
#8: Smile! You’re on iPhone camera
#9: iTunes required to sync
#10: The dead zone [referring to problems with the display]

Given these reasons (and others that I’m sure we could find with a little searching), I’m glad I didn’t go for iPhone 1.0.

Instead, I now have a Samsung Blackjack - which I don’t like very much at all. Is there anything more lame than Windows Mobile? After spending several years with the PalmOS, most recently with the Palm Treo (which also does not currently support 3G, alas), I find myself more than a little puzzled that Microsoft has ever been able to make headway against Palm. I’m not sure where the Blackjack leaves off and Windows Mobile begins in terms of “suckage,” but I am left with (to my mind) a crippled device that doesn’t do half of what I would like it to do. I haven’t managed to get it to sync to my Windows XP laptop, either through Bluetooth or via USB, and thus cannot tweak anything about it to suit me. There’s supposed to be an upgrade to the latest version of Windows Mobile available, but Cingular/AT&T refers you to Samsung who refers you to AT&T…

So I’m stuck with what I have now, perhaps until iPhone 2.0 comes along. I hope.