Whither The Fool?

Baltimore firehouse “noose” was a hoax.

This guy has lots of company.

I have noticed this for some time, but a young woman being interviewed on a local morning news show reminded me just how grating it has become: the use of the word “whether” without the accompanying “or” connecting the various clauses.

For instance, I should properly say “we had to decide whether we would have turkey or ham for Thanksgiving this year.”

But the new parlance, which disregards established rules of grammar and syntax, would have it thus: “we were trying to decide what to have for our Thanksgiving dinner, whether it would be turkey, whether it would be ham…”

A sort of infinite split infinitive, so to speak.

Dreadful.

I’m not sure why spelling, grammar, syntax, and general rules of English usage just don’t matter anymore, even to the supposedly educated. Or perhaps the reality is that education just isn’t what it used to be.

Looks like voters gave her a little “Spanky,” in fact. Who is this loser?

HOUMA, La. (AP) — A white state lawmaker in a runoff election called a black civil-rights veteran who had helped her campaign “Buckwheat,” angering the NAACP, which urged voters to kick her out of office.

Rep. Carla Blanchard Dartez, a Democrat, acknowledged that she ended a Thursday night conversation with Hazel Boykin by saying, “Talk to you later, Buckwheat.” Dartez had been thanking Boykin for driving voters to the polls.

WAITER (returning to the table for the third time, impatiently): Well, Herr Doktor, have you decided yet?

PROF. WERNER HEISENBERG (studying menu): I’m sorry, I’m just not sure.

CAPTION: “HEISENBERG STANDS ON PRINCIPLE”

The Worldwide Web never ceases to amaze me even after the past fifteen years that I’ve been fooling around with it.

I was working here in my hotel room in Wichita, listening to music on Rhapsody. Specifically, I was listening to a live-recording compendium from the band YES, which most of the older folks in the family remember well. I noticed that some of the tracks were from a 1976 concert in Detroit, and that made me remember that I had seen that tour, the Chicago stop, when I was attending college at Beloit College.

I remembered that it was at the Hawthorne Racetrack in Cicero, Illinois just west of Chi-town proper, so I Googled it.

Lo and behold, someone has put up the entire program from that concert, including some photographs, notes with recollections of folks who attended, etc.! All the other acts that played that day are listed as well - Gary Wright, Peter Frampton, Lynyrd Skynyrd - so I know this is precisely the performance that I attended, it was an all day “festival” kind of affair, we stood in line for HOURS just to get in.

The weather was hot, but tolerable, and the day was sunny and bright. I remember YES’ lead singer, Jon Anderson, making the remark about “the sun” being the lighting-man for that day (he was always into all this mystical junk about the sun, etc.)

Well, you youngsters who might be looking on, look upon something of your eldest brother’s/uncle’s/grandpa’s history, and laugh!

In my never-ending strife to remain relevant, I have joined Twitter. Now, as often as possible, I will try to update everyone on the fascinating happenings of my life.

Because I owe it to you, of course.

Check the Sidebar for “Twitter Updates”.

At the University of Massachusetts, they must include in the required Students Code of Conduct a specific prohibition against rioting:

Students who participate in riotous behavior or failed to disperse when ordered will be sanctioned under the Code of Student Conduct. These sanctions ranged from University probation up to and including immediate expulsion from the University.

Over the past four years, over 145 students have been sanctioned for their participation in riotous behavior on this campus, up to and including suspension and expulsion from the University.

Students should familiarize themselves with the Code of Student Conduct which is printed in the Academic Daily Planner. Behavior that endangers the safety of persons (self or others) or property or inciting others to engage in such behavior will not be tolerated. Participants will be subject to arrest and will be held accountable under the Code of Student Conduct.

In addition to University sanctions, students who are arrested will also be processed through the criminal Court of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

– Student Affairs and Campus Life Bulletin

Has the angst regarding the Iraq War in this most liberal state in the union come to this pass?

Well, no. Actually, the problem they’ve been having in Amherst is fan rioting after a sports-team loss. Or a win, for that matter.

And no, it’s not just UMass sports that gets ‘em riled up in the land of Emily Dickinson. They’re prone to riot after New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox games as well (no word on the rise of soccer hooliganism surrounding the fortunes of the New England Revolution thus far, however).

So, how does the President of UMass address the problem? Why, with a letter to the students of course:

Dear Students,

Both the fall semester and the final weeks of the Major League Baseball (MLB) season are in full swing, and Red Sox fans are counting the days to the start of the playoffs. As we approach the playoffs, I want to wish you and your favorite team the best of luck. It will be an exciting time for fans of the Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, Los Angeles Angels, Yankees, NY Mets, Brewers, Cubs, San Diego and Arizona…

When you celebrate your team victories, do so wisely and responsibly. And accept the losses with equal levelness.

The past few years, we have seen destructive student action associated with athletic events. While I personally do not understand this concept of violence and rioting as an expression of celebration, nonetheless it is a phenomenon we are currently witnessing nationally on college campuses and in major cities. Here, on our campus, these riots are usually related to the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots…

Below this letter, is a link to important detailed information that will assist you during the Major League Baseball playoffs. Please take the time to read the contents fully and understand it. Consult with your resident director or resident assistant with questions and for the most updated information. The resident hall lobbies will have posters communicating policies and procedures throughout the playoffs.

Sincerely,

Michael Gargano, Ed. D

Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs and Campus Life

The email includes a link to the document at the top of this article.

Gosh, those Massachusetts Firebrands and their revolutionary ways. King George III is laughing somewhere.

(h/t to The Unofficial Scorer).

RELATED: Student gets creative with ‘Riot UMass’ video game, Google Videos of UMass Riots

Well, for one thing, he’s so cute that he makes her, a Lesbian, consider the straight life:

Okay, I admit it. Part of it is that he just looks cuddly. Possibly cuddly enough to turn me straight.

But wait, there’s more!

There are certainly many things about Ahmadinejad that I abhor — locking up dissidents, executing of gay folks, denying the fact of the Holocaust, potentially adding another dangerous nuclear power to the world and, in general, stifling democracy. Even still, I can’t help but be turned on by his frank rhetoric calling out the horrors of the Bush Administration and, for that matter, generations of US foreign policy preceding.

And after the first torrid days and nights of their romance were over, he’d probably be out playing golf every afternoon, or attending public stonings without her or something.

But our gal…er, gyl, er, goyl(????)…is realistic after the dreaminess recedes:

Monday, when Ahmadinejad speaks at Columbia University in New York, I’ll be listening. Maybe with a bottle of wine and some soft music playing in the background. If I can get past the fact that, as a Jewish lesbian, he’d probably have me killed, I’ll try to listen for some truth.

BUT DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION THEIR PATRIOTISM!

(Sanity, yes. Patriotism, no).

From an Associated Press story by Dionne Walker, August 2007:

For years, Toinetta Jones played the dating game by her mom’s strict rule.

“Mom always told me, ‘Don’t you ever bring a white man home,’” recalled Jones, echoing an edict issued by many Southern, black mothers.

But at 37, the Alexandria divorcee has shifted to dating “anyone who asks me out,” regardless of race.

“I don’t sit around dreaming about the perfect black man I’m going to marry,” Jones said. Black women around the country also are reconsidering deep-seated reservations toward interracial relationships, reservations rooted in America’s history of slavery and segregation.

They’re taking cues from their favorite stars _ from actress Shar Jackson to tennis pro Venus Williams _ as well as support blogs, how-to books and interracially themed novels telling them it’s OK to “date out.”

It comes as statistics suggest American black women are among the least likely to marry.

“I’m not saying that white men are the answer to all our problems,” Jones said. “I’m just saying that they offer a different solution.”

First, let me say that I thought White Men were the source of all problems, not just for black women but for all people everywhere (even some other white men). Ms. Jones has dropped a bomb without apparently realizing it (I wonder: could it be that she’s grown up being taught all that p.c. crapola from the Jackson-Sharpton-Farrakhan axis without actually having experienced any of it firsthand?)

Second, I don’t think that White Men offer an “alternative solution,” just the same solution in a superficially different package.

I grew up a son of the “New South.” I began school several years after Brown v. Board of Education, forced integration and during the heyday of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s brilliantly successful Civil Rights initiative - and, fortunately, several years before it was co-opted by the feckless Left as a Trojan horse to flip the population of Americans who happen to have black skins into the Leftist camp - even though nearly all that the Left stands for is anathema to traditional African-American mores.

I was taught repeatedly by example and in word, that my “brothers and sisters of color” were the same as me - and I bought it. Imagine my surprise when, at the outset of puberty, I became enthralled with a light-skinned black girl in my 8th Grade American History class (ironically, her name was Coretta), but was told by her after passing her a note asking for her phone number, that “I don’t wanna talk on the ‘phone wi’ no ‘honky!’” She told me this while wrinkling her nose in that adorable way 14-year-old girls have.

Of course, like all 14-year-old boys rebuffed by 14-year-old girls, I came away confused. First off, what was a “honky,” anyway? I asked my black friend, Sidney.

“Oh, a ‘honky’s’ th’ same as a ‘ofay’” he told me matter of factly. I stared at him in dumb incomprehension.

He sighed and rolled his eyes. “You know, a whitey, like you,” he explained. The light went on.

“You mean, Coretta doesn’t like me because I’m white!” I exclaimed.

It made no sense. Weren’t we all brothers and sisters (and therefore potentially boyfriends and girlfriends) under the skin, like on those 16mm films they used to show us in Health? So all those film-showings were lies? Man, was my world rocked!

“Well, yeah,” he answered. He told me her momma would probably whip her within an inch of her life if she ever thought she might like a “honky,” and maybe have “yaller” babies one day, etc.

So my first effort at bridging the racial divide came to nothing.

I should state for the record that it wasn’t that I had this “thing” for black girls. It’s just that I had this “thing” for girls, period, and I had successfully incorporated “New South” teachings that proclaimed that all girls were fair game (well, at least that was the main thing I got out of it). But I didn’t see this brick wall I was heading for, put up by all these African-American “mommas” I had never met.

A couple of years later, I had another “brown-sugar crush” (hey, can I help it if Stories’ “Brother Louie” was a big hit that year?) This time, it was Pauline, a petite cheerleader with the coolest Afro in our class. Now, even if she’d been white, Pauline would have been out of my league - c’mon, she was a cheerleader and I was a nerd - but she always smiled when our eyes met (well, how was I to know that’s what cheerleaders do?) and we joked around in class a lot.

So I asked her out one day. Pauline looked at me like I’d suggested a lascivious act - which in retrospect I suppose I had. But she didn’t put me down with that “honky” line like Coretta in the 8th Grade. Instead, she plausibly explained that she had to wash her hair that night and it would take a couple of days to get it right, maybe some other time.

Cool girl, but looking back I know what she really thought: “I can’t date no honky, momma’d kill me.” That might be unfair, but I don’t think so.

Now, I have been married three times - a record of which I am not proud. Thirty-plus years on from all that mess back in high school, I have never had a meaningful relationship with a woman of color - the closest I came was my half-black-half-white departmental secretary a few years ago, and the most intimate we got was when our fingers touched one day when she handed me my mail.

I’ve had a lot of black female friends, though, and as time goes on I have pretty much stopped thinking of their racial characteristics - at least, no more significantly as I would differentiate a blond from a brunette. To me, they’re just women, the half of humanity that makes it all worthwhile being a member of the other half.

I can tell you that I’ve met quite a few of them who were beautiful, smart, talented and quite alluring - but again, alluring in the same way that all such women are regardless of race, color, creed or national origin.

If I were ever to find myself widowed and desperately in want of female companionship, RCCNO would not be an impediment by any means. And it sounds like many of them have finally figured out that their mommas might not have been right about everything they were taught, after all.

(And by the way, if at that time Ms. Merrin Dungey is available, well, her days of solitude are over!)

*sigh!*

This morning on one of the Houston Chronicle Sports blogs, a commentor made the following statement:

Pitching and POWER wins today in baseball…

His statement intrigued me, so I did a little digging. If he’s correct, the very best teams in baseball should be those that have a mix of good pitching (say Team ERA) and great power (say OPS).

Based on the MLB.Com statistics as of this morning, here are the TOP TEN teams in terms of OPS:

1. NYY(4)
2. PHI(-)
3. BOS(3)
4. DET(-)
5. MIL(-)
6. COL(-)
7. FLA(-)
8. ATL(-)
9. CIN(-)
10. NYM(6)

And the TOP TEN teams in ERA:

1. SD(6 - Tie w NYM)
2. BOS(3)
3. OAK(-)
4. NYM(6 - Tie w SD)
5. CHC(8)
6. LAD(-)
7. ARI(5)
8. SF(-)
9. MIN(-)
10. ATL(-)

NOTE: In the above, the parenthetic number is the order in which the team is situated right now in terms of wins and losses for both leagues.

Notice that only BOS and NYM are in the Top Ten in each category. (Does this mean we’ll see a Mets vs. Red Sox World Series?)

Finally, if we add together the team rank numbers for each of Team ERA and Team OPS for all 30 MLB teams, we come up with the following rankings (which assumes that Team ERA and Team OPS are both 50% of the equation - which is debatable, but just so you know).

1. BOS(3)
2. NYM(6)
3. NYY(4)
4. ATL(-)
5. OAK(-)
6. CHC(8)
7. MIL(-)
8. CIN(-)
9. DET(-)
10. LAA(1- Tie w/CLE)

So I’m not sure what to think of this. Within the Combined Top Ten of “Pitching and POWER” teams, five of the eight playoff teams (if the playoffs began today) are represented, but one of the two top team in terms of W-L record, CLE (90-62), doesn’t show up in the Combined Top Ten and the other, LAA (90-62) shows up at NUMBER 10. Likely playoff teams ARI (86-67) and SD (84-67) don’t show up in the Combined Top Ten at all.

Five teams - ATL (79-73), OAK (74-80), MIL (78-73), CIN (69-83) and DET (83-70) among this Top Ten are likely to miss the playoffs (or if MIL makes it, CHC won’t). CIN and OAK have losing records!

So my conclusion is that your statement is far too simplistic. While it looks as though the combination of “Pitching and POWER” is a GOOD thing to have, it doesn’t guarantee the postseason, at least not for the teams this season.

It seems to me that this is just one of those “truisms” that get stuck in peoples’ skulls, based on nothing but what they’ve heard other people say. In truth, there are other variables involved that, for example, tell you why ATL, with a Team OPS of 0.778 and a Team ERA of 4.14, are only a few games above 0.500, while CLE has OPS 0.771 and ERA 4.29 in the considerably tougher AL, and sits atop their division, ahead of last year’s AL Pennant winner DET.’

(Also of interest: The rock-bottom team in this “Team ERA Plus Team OPS” listing is the Chicago White Sox, a team that won the 2005 World Series in four straight over my beloved Astros).